CONFUZZLED

just feeling so confuzzled - lately things have gone awfully wrong, and unexpected things keep happening - although i like to welcome these feelings as well because they give a feeling i've never felt before and would like to experience it. Although these confusing moments did course me to break up with howie for a couple of days and that didn't seem like the right thing to do, since it was rather unreasonable for me to have broke anyway.



Well lets cut the long story short... It all started on friday last week, where on that day i was pretty determined to break it with howie due to personal issues happening to me ---- although i felt pretty selfish and guilty after doing that, but the feeling of being tied to an item has finally evaporated once i said what i had to say and the feeling of heartache just came and went away every so often. Although we ( howie and i) have reconciled, i don't seem to feel as attached anymore, maybe it's because i've had a taste of freedom after a long time? I don't know, but one things for sure - i can't seem to face Howie without remembering his expression from last friday and that causes a lot of pain. Yes - it suggests that even though i pretended i didn't really care that day, i can't forget the pain i seemed to have caused him and now i don't think i can forgive myself.